


All Corrupt Everything

by obitoforpresident (Bibixblocksberg)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Blood and Injury, Canonical Character Death, Dark, Drug Use, F/M, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bibixblocksberg/pseuds/obitoforpresident
Summary: "Minato hated living in this world, but he didn’t want to die. He wanted to burn this world to ashes, and he wanted to build it new again."
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 11
Kudos: 26





	1. DAY ZERO – HOW TO KEEP UP ON THE PATH OF LIFE

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, folks: buckle your seatbelts. This will be a **long** ride with certain stops at anarchy-ville, in cyberspace & teenage-love-city. 
> 
> I'm excited for this story & you can prepare yourself for some questionable political beliefs, my favorite _ships_ & some good old unhealthy coping mechanisms. 
> 
> **Enjoy!**

Everything _hurt_. His whole body ached so fucking much. Obito Uchiha couldn’t remember a single moment in his sixteen years of life where he felt so much pain. It spread through his veins like wildfire – like a never-ending inferno burning him to a crisp from the inside. 

Obito just wanted it to stop. 

He wanted the throbbing to stop, wanted the stinging pain in his ribs to stop existing and he wanted to take a deep breath without coughing up blood which tasted bitter on his tongue. He didn’t like bitter things. He liked sweets – cherry lollipops and chocolate; cacao with a spoonful of cream and those little strawberry tarts Kushina always baked for him. 

Saliva was garnering at the corners of his mouth as he thought of the sweetly smell of those delicious treats and he let out a raspy chuckle. Another cough, the bitter taste of blood filling his mouth again and Obito asked himself how he deserved this. 

He couldn’t come up with an answer. 

His heartbeat was getting slower, already missing a beat or two. His mind was too hazy to count them. His body was still throbbing. Didn’t they tell you in the academy that after the highest point of pain comes numbness?

Obito was praying to feel numb, not caring which god he reached. Any god was good enough if they would just make it stop. He wished he would not feel a single thing, because he really didn’t know if he could endure it a minute longer. 

It wasn’t just the physical pain which was getting to him – 

It was also the pain deep inside him. The pain which was eating at his heart like a hungry monster. The monster which didn’t stop at his heart. It was gnawing at his soul, at his self and he waited for the moment in which it would spit the remnants of it in his face. 

Why didn’t it stop already? 

The world around him was dark. A deep black, nothingness filling the space around him and Obito was scared. Not being able to see was even worse than the unbearable fire licking at his veins. He was used to the colors which surrounded him day and night, however dreary they may be. 

But to see nothing but endless black? It was torture and he asked himself if ANBU was using this technique in interrogations. Fuck, he wanted to see. But there was a rock above his eye, crushing his face under it, and the other one he gave to _Kakashi_ minutes ago. 

A scream spilled from his lips as he thought about his silver-haired teammate. 

_Kakashi._

Kakashi, who came back to Obito – to Rin – who took Obito’s hand in his and told him that they would fight together. Kakashi who lost an eye for him, who always smelled like apple and dog and _home_ and whose eyes were looking like the universe above them. Obito always thought that those dark eyes promised you to never let you go again. 

Another scream vibrated in Obito’s chest, ripping the shattered pieces of his heart into even smaller pieces. He couldn’t get the image of Kakashi out of his head. It was the last thing he saw before Rin took his eye – Kakashi, kneeling on the ground beside him. His calloused fingers gripping onto Obito’s for dear life and tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. 

Obito was glad that Kakashi didn’t take off his mask. Now, Obito had something to look forward to in the afterlife. 

Obito doesn’t want to die. He wasn’t ready to leave this world. He wasn’t ready to leave his life behind as if he had lived it to its fullest. Because he had not. If he had, he would have told Kakashi that he loved him, that it was the silver-haired boy’s name which spilled from Obito’s lips at night. 

Obito would have told Rin that she was beautiful, that she was the glue which was holding his broken heart together and that he never wanted to be without her because she was his best friend. He would have told her that her dimples are the most adorable thing he had ever seen and that she was the first person he had ever loved. 

Before they left him, in this godforsaken cave, he told them that it was okay. 

_It was not._

Obito wanted to live. He wanted to be able to do things, to help people and to change the world for the better. He wanted to kiss Kakashi, to hug Rin and he wanted to smile back at sensei. He wanted to be there, at the side of his most precious people and he wanted to leave an impact on this goddamn unjustly world of shit. 

Obito Uchiha wasn’t ready to die and as something cold touched the palm of his hand, as someone whispered in his ear that they were here to help, something like hope blossomed behind his ribs.

____

Rain was painting the world around him in blurs of grey. Most days Kakashi didn’t even notice the rain anymore – it was familiar, a comfort in a world so full of shit, that you searched for safety in things which were dreary and cold. Everything was better than the harsh reality that you just lived to die someday.

It didn’t matter if you lived in one of the cities, with their too big skyscrapers and their reeking streets and the neon signs which should give you a sense of not being alone, or if you lived somewhere in the middle of nothing, where the trees were looking like skeletons and poisonous mushrooms were hanging down from every branch. 

It didn’t matter where you lived – the world was the embodiment of hell. But instead of fire licking on your skin there was just the never-ending cold creeping in your bones and ghostly spirits sucking the soul out of your body. Kakashi hated to live. 

And now – right now in the middle of nothing – the world wasn’t just grey anymore. It was pitch-black and he could see nothing. He lost himself in a cave under too much stone and earthly colors and he wanted the world to stop spinning on its axis. 

Back in that cave, where he could see silhouettes – he had felt his heart breaking all over again. He had felt six years old again, as he found his father lying in a puddle of his own blood, eyes empty of every sparkle and his soul sucked away. 

The tiny little pieces of Kakashi’s heart which were left in his ribcage, were now nothing more than dust hoping to get lost in the wind and _it hurt._ Fuck, but it hurts. 

Kakashi was breaking down on the forest floor – his pants getting soaked from the mud he was kneeling in. They lost Obito. Obito, the guy Kakashi hated and loved – fuck, he loved him. Obito who made him feel something, anything. He wasn’t next to Kakashi anymore, wasn’t grinning too bright and white and cheerful. He just wasn’t here anymore. 

Kakashi laid his head back in his neck, his eyes searching the sky for a sign that it was all just a cruel joke of fate and raindrops were sliding over his face. They took his tears with them, soaking his mask until it was clinging to every edge of his face. Cold wind was pulling on his clothes, but all Kakashi could feel was the missing feeling of a too hot touch brushing over his cheekbone. 

He felt the missing warmth at his side. He felt the absence of a sunshine-cinnamon-smoke smell. 

A low raspy chuckle escaped Kakashi’s lips. An image of Obito took over his mind – a toothy grin and a cigarette sticking out between shining teeth – and Kakashi’s pieces of a broken heart were shattering all over again. 

Kakashi let out a deep guttural scream which vibrated in his bones. 

He doesn’t want to live without Obito.

___

Kakashi’s scream rippled through her body like an ocean wave. It filled Rin’s soul, filled her body and her entire self and she couldn’t help but to break down next to him. It fucking hurt to see her stoic, reserved teammate like this.

It was like Rin could feel his pain added to the endless depth of her own and she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Tears and raindrops were pouring over her cheeks and her sight got blurry. The only thing she could see were blurs of grey. Like always – except this day wasn’t like _always._

She had got a grip on herself inside the cave. She was strong, _strong for them_. For Obito and Kakashi, her teammates and precious people, who were slowly losing themselves right before her eyes and it was like something out of Rin’s deepest, darkest nightmares. 

It was fucking gruesome to watch – it was maddening, and Rin thought that she was losing her mind right there, between rocks and darkness and blood. 

Rin stayed strong during the eye-transplant Obito wished for. Her hands and mind were calm as she held Obito’s eye in her hand, as she gave Kakashi a gift no one would ever dare ask for. She had known that she could do it. 

She had read every book on transplants she could get a hold off. It was her dream, her goal to become a medic who could give people their life back, their will to remain on earth and she had integrated every damn sentence into her mind and here, in this cave with Obito’s eye in hand, she had known. 

And she was glad, so unbelievable glad, that she had something to concentrate on while Obito was slowly dying beside her. He was dying and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. She had felt weak and it was her duty, her last gift to him that the transplant worked. 

She focused and worked during his rattling breaths and she was glad, because she didn’t know if she could have continued living or if she would have decided to die with him. 

Rin doesn’t want to imagine a life – a world – without Obito standing at her side. He was her best friend, her everything and in between and the thought of him not being at her side anymore – 

A dull pain was spreading in her veins and filling the space behind her ribs. 

Her heart was breaking, piece by piece and there wasn’t anything to stop it. She had lost her oldest friend, her brother and guilt was slowly filling every cell of her body. Guilt for being alive, while he was not. Guilt for being kidnapped which resulted in Obito wanting to help her. Guilt for being weak in a situation she shouldn’t have been weak in and guilt for needing protection. 

If it weren’t for her, Obito wouldn’t lay six feet under stone and Kakashi wouldn’t lose himself to darkness. 

Rin could taste the salty tang of her own tears and her fingers – _colored red from his blood_ – were digging into the muddy ground beneath her. Why? Why did Obito have to go? It wasn’t fair. Rationally she knew that it never was, but this was the most unfair goddamn situation she could have ever imagined. 

Her tear-filled eyes found Kakashi again – her teammate whom she loved for years and who didn’t love her back. Her teammate and crush who loved her best friend instead. He was crying, wailing sobs leaving his body and Rin wanted to say something, anything to make it better.

She knew there wasn’t a single word existing which could linger the pain he felt, but god she wanted to. 

Rin was kneeling beside Kakashi, her own pain numbing her insides and she already missed Obito’s warmth. The world was cold and cruel. It was hell and lonely and – 

A whimper escaped her lips. Obito wasn’t here anymore. She was _alone_. 

Numb and bloody fingers were searching for Kakashi’s in the dirt and mud surrounding them and she couldn’t stop the sobs breaking out of her mouth as she was holding Kakashi’s shaking hand in her own. 

Rin Nohara didn’t want to die that morning, but in this moment, she wasn’t so sure anymore.

___

Red, red, red in an endless abyss of grey. Minato liked the color _red_. He always did. He wasn’t even picky what kind of red – it was just such a nice contrast to the depth of grey surrounding everything around him.

The color red reminded him that there was an end to everything, and that the world wasn’t just monotone tristesse and neon signs making your head throb. 

Cherry red was momentarily filling the air around him. It was coloring his flak vest, his pants and his cheeks and Minato lived for it. He was forming hand-signs like it was nothing, as if he was writing a simple letter, as if it was his second nature – and it was. He jumped from one end of the field to the next and back with Hiraishin and he felt like a ghost. 

Like a ghost or a god or something untouchable. 

There wasn’t sweat building on his forehead, his breathing wasn’t ragged, and he knew that it _should_ be. He knew that fighting off fifty enemies should be hard, that he should fear for his life and that he should call for back up. 

But it wasn’t hard. It never was. 

Minato flew through the troops of Iwagakure like the wind coming in from the desert and he enjoyed every fucking minute of it. He enjoyed to kill, blood spilling over his tanned, calloused hands and he knew that the guilt would hit sooner or later because he was murdering – he was slaughtering – human beings who were just doing what they _were told to do_. 

Sometimes, mostly late at night, Minato felt like a monster. 

But not right now, not in this moment in time, as one of his kunai slid in the chest of an enemy like it was a fluffy cloud. A smile was forming on Minato’s face and he licked his lips as he felt drops of blood hitting them. 

And then he felt it. A little tingle brushing over his spine. He stopped, right in the middle of the battlefield, and he was shocked because – he didn’t thought that he would ever feel this special tingle racing down his spine. 

The special tingle on his tattooed hiraishin mark, the tattoo his students had too – and this tingle, which send goosebumps all over his skin, was telling him that one of them was no longer here. The realization what that actually meant came seconds later and in a yellow blur he killed off the remaining enemy shinobi before he pulled on a string with his chakra. 

He pulled on a string so colorful and lovely and loved – 

Minato found himself on a clearing, surrounded by rocks and skeleton trees and he could see the Kannabi bridge in the distance. Heavy raindrops were wetting his face and hair and then he saw _them_ and Minato’s breathing stopped. 

His students – two of them – were kneeling on the muddy ground, hand in hand and as Minato heard Kakashi’s sobs Minato fell down, too. Because these sobs – so broken and lost and full of pain – could only mean one thing. 

And Minato saw Rin, right beside Kakashi, kneeling next to him and she cried, and she looked like she would never see the sun again and Minato _knew_. They had lost him, they had lost the light in their lives and he knew, that he wouldn’t see Obito ever again. 

Pain rippled through his body before another sob hit his ears and Minato didn’t waste a second. He was sitting in front of his remaining students and a tear rolled down his cheek as he saw how utterly alone and broken they looked. 

Minato didn’t ask what happened. He didn’t ask where Obito’s body was, he didn’t ask if enemy shinobi were still lurking around somewhere. He was just sitting on the ground; his eyes being stuck on the shaking forms of his students and his heart grew cold. 

Not because of them – never them – but it grew cold because of this shithole of a world. 

He opened his arms in invitation and both, Kakashi and Rin, were throwing themselves at him. Tears were soaking his already blood-soaked vest, but Minato couldn’t care less. He was crying himself, his own tears hidden from the world through the rain still falling and Minato hated the world. 

He hated that his beloved students had to feel so much pain, that their hearts were already broken with sixteen. He loathed the too big cities and the fighting and the wars. He detested that children had to fight for greedy old men, that orphans were dying on the streets and that nobody cared. 

Minato hated living in this world, but he didn’t want to die. He wanted to burn this world to ashes, and he wanted to build it new again. 

The best thing? There was no one here to stop him. 

He pulled his students tighter against his chest, buried his nose in Rin’s brown locks and a grim smile was taking over his features. The world would burn for what it has done to Obito, it would burn in oranges and reds and too hot, because nothing less was _enough_.


	2. DAY THREE – HOW TO JUMP INTO THE ABYSS OF NOT FEELING ANYTHING

The orange glow of the sun was slowly covering the rooftops of Konohagakure. Well, it was still quite dark, and the ever-present blurs of grey wouldn’t go away that easily. But Kakashi could see the little flecks of orange and red and the raindrops on his face were feeling warmer with every minute that passed. 

The rain still smelled like acid and his clothes were soaked, but he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t care when he saw the color _he_ had loved the most. And, well, Kakashi’s current surroundings, this absolute shithole of a city and his equally shitty life didn’t matter in the slightest when Obito – beautiful, dork of the century, ever smiling Obito – wasn’t here anymore to share it with him. 

Kakashi knew that he didn’t gave the impression of loving the dark-haired boy, and he knew that Obito always thought Kakashi hated him. But Kakashi did not hate him, he loved him with every cell of his pitiful self, and he would always do. Obito meant everything to him, was the reason Kakashi got up in the morning regardless of how tired his body was and now, Kakashi was slowly losing his mind to the depth of hell. 

How could he live without Obito?

It was the first time in three days that Kakashi had left his tiny appartement. It wasn’t really an appartement it was a room, just enough space for a futon and a fridge and a shelve, a shoebox of a bathroom attached. But it had a big ass window which allowed Kakashi to watch the flickering neon-colors of too big signs at night.

He hadn’t done anything else than to lie on his dirty futon and to stare at the ceiling for three fucking days and his limbs were quite stiff. It never hurt this much to walk, his legs had never felt so heavy and Kakashi was tired. He was tired of his life, of losing people and the world in general. 

After his breakdown in Minato’s arms, Kakashi hadn’t said a single word and he wasn’t sure if he would ever talk again. What did words matter if the one he loved to talk to wasn’t here anymore? What did they matter if Obito wasn’t too near, sharing the same polluted air and laughing so loud that Kakashi’s ears were ringing?

Words didn’t matter anymore when Obito couldn’t be there to hear them, to give Kakashi snarky replies with sarcasm dripping from his every syllable. Kakashi missed their banter, missed Obito’s habit of swallowing word endings and rosy lips pulling into a smirk. 

Kakashi’s chest hurt, a throbbing pain behind his ribs and he suppressed the urge to scream. 

The roof of the academy where Kakashi was sitting at the moment was a filthy place, full of bird-shit and empty sake bottles, but it was Obito’s favorite spot in the world. It was the highest building in the city, a deep grey concrete block and one could look over the city like a flying bird. 

Kakashi could still hear the bustling of the streets, the static sound of the antenna in his back and he let himself fall backwards, tired of the sight of a city he loathed ever since his father died. He couldn’t endure seeing it anymore. Raindrops were sliding over his face, mixing themselves with his salty tears and Kakashi couldn’t remember ever crying this much. 

He hadn’t cried as he found his father, lying in a puddle of his own blood. He hadn’t cried as his first ninken died in combat. Actually, he couldn’t remember a single moment in his sixteen years of life where he had cried. 

And now it was all he could do. 

His eyelids closed, Kakashi thought back to the time as he and Obito were sitting on this roof for the very first time. They were Genin back then, teammates for just a few weeks and it was the month in which Kakashi’s dad had killed himself, years ago. 

They were ten or a little bit older, Kakashi couldn’t really remember and well, it doesn’t really matter anyway. He was even more passive that day than usual and the Uchiha _had noticed_. He had tricked Kakashi, told him something about a mission with a special meeting spot and he hadn’t thought much about it. 

Kakashi had been livid as just Obito was there, but Obito had pulled him down on the filthy rooftop and they laid there for hours. They had watched the stars, Obito telling him stories and long forgotten myths and Kakashi had hung on the other’s every word. 

It wasn’t often that you could see stars in the city, or anywhere really, but that night the sky was full of them. Maybe it had been a sign, someone out there telling them what they could be, but Kakashi didn’t believe in shit like that. He could still recall Obito’s stories about hidden loves and tragedies and sometimes, if he just concentrated enough, he could still feel the rough palm of Obito’s hand in his. 

He will never forget that night. 

Obito and him never talked about it. Not a word had left their lips, but since then Obito pulled Kakashi along once a week to repeat their newly found ritual. They were lying on that stinking rooftop, looking into the universe – sometimes telling each other stories and sometimes not. It was Kakashi’s favorite pastime. 

And now, Obito wasn’t here to do it anymore. He wasn’t here to pull Kakashi along, to make him secretly smile behind his mask and to hold Kakashi’s blood-stained hands. A sight left Kakashi’s lips and he swore to himself that he would continue their little ritual. He would come here, lie down and he would let Obito see the stars through his sharingan. 

Kakashi sat up again, lighting himself a cigarette and for a few minutes he just watched the exhaled smoke vanishing in the rain filled air. Fuck, he missed him. He missed Obito so fucking much. He missed him since the moment the rock came tumbling down on them. 

Why wasn’t Kakashi faster? Why couldn’t he take better care of himself? Why did he let himself get stabbed in the eye?

Thoughts about nothing of this shit happening were filling his mind. Kakashi couldn’t stop asking himself why he didn’t just get along with Obito’s plan to rescue Rin. He knew how much the brown-haired girl had meant to Obito. It was his fault that Obito wasn’t here anymore and Kakashi would never forgive himself for it. 

Kakashi’s hands were shaking again and he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t lose any more people who were precious to him. He had thought that the streak of precious people dying would end if he just didn’t tell them how big the space in his heart for them was. But obviously he was wrong about that. 

He had to close the door to his heart, had to throw away the key to not risk hurting anyone else. He nearly didn’t survive losing Obito, he still wasn’t sure if he would, and he would stop taking any risks. The pain in his heart was too much and the thought of losing anyone else was more than Kakashi could take at the moment. 

It was like slowly losing a battle – an image was forming in his head, Minato dead and lifeless lying on the ground and Kakashi’s heart nearly exploded behind his ribs. The blonde man took him in after Kakashi ended up all alone. He was like the big brother Kakashi never had, he called him nii-san for goodness sake, and he had taught Kakashi so much. 

Together they formed Kakashi’s morals, his view of the world. Minato had taught him how to cook, how to survive on his own and Kakashi was sure that he would already lie six feet underground if not for the blonde man with the ultimate annoying smile. 

Another precious person Kakashi wouldn’t want to lose was Rin. No matter how annoying she was sometimes, with her obvious crush on him and her desperate attempts at gaining his attention. No matter how much he hated her ever dazzling smile and no matter how jealous Kakashi became every time Obito smiled at her instead of him – she was a constant presence in his life for years now and he wouldn’t want to miss her. 

Rin made sure that there was food in his fridge, something else than ration bars and combat drugs and stale beer and she opened his window every time he was out of the city for a mission. She was by far the nicest person Kakashi had ever met, and he couldn’t hold it against her that Obito loved her. If there would be the slightest chance that Kakashi found women attractive he would have loved her, too. But alas, he didn’t, and he was too much of a coward to tell her that she was the little sister he always wanted. 

Another person whose death would definitely bring an end to his own life was Kushina Uzumaki. Sweet, wonderful, hot-tempered Kushina who was Minato’s best friend and something like Kakashi’s mom. At least, Kakashi imagined that the way Kushina cared for him, was the way a mother cared for her child. 

He loved their little cuddling sessions, the sweet little moments where she pulled his head on her lap and brushed her slender, deadly fingers through his spikes of silver hair. She always told him if he was an ass, set his head straight when he got over himself and he loved her for it. 

No, Kakashi couldn’t lose them, too. _He just couldn’t._

He wouldn’t make the same faults again. He would close that fucking opening to his heart and would distance himself so that they could live. So that they had a chance to be happy and grow old and get wrinkles all over their faces. 

But – how should he do it? He couldn’t outright ignore them if he was on the same team as Minato and Rin. How could he vanish from their life’s without becoming a rogue-nin? He wasn’t interested in being hunted all over the elemental nations. 

His tear-filled eyes found the sky again, blurs of orange filling his vision while the rain was slowly subsiding. And then it hit him – he could join the ANBU. He had dreamt about joining them as a kid, he had wanted to become one of the best, one of the elites. 

He was always fascinated by their anonymous, mysterious persona and he could hide himself between them, while simultaneously protecting the ones he held dear to his heart. There also wasn’t a chance of getting attached to a comrade – the teams were on a rotating roster, and most missions required just a single shinobi, to make sure that the mission wasn’t attracting unwanted attention. 

Yes, Kakashi had found his solution. He smoked one last cigarette, the smoke filling the space around him and with newfound determination settling over his features he made his way to the Hokage’s office.

___

Rin was crying. Silent, salty tears were rolling down her marked cheeks as she made her way through the grimy streets of Konoha’s downtown area. The grey buildings around her were looking abandoned, boarded windows looking down at her, but Rin knew better.

She grew up here, surrounded by clogged sewers and the penetrant smell of fried foods and even if it were filthy and dangerous it would always be her home. Rin looked straight ahead, the hood of her sweater pulled down deep over her face and she ignored the disparaging looks of men in cheap suits and women with heavily made up faces. 

After rounding a corner, she already saw a familiar red door – her destination for now. She knocked – two times fast, one slow, three fast – and seconds later the door opened. A masked figure was looking down at her and she wondered if the person wanted to look threatening. 

The black mask which reminded of ravens wasn’t leaving an impression on her and for a short minute she wondered what Obito would have said about the mask. She was sure he would have already began laughing, holding his stomach and tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. 

A deep breath in and she was calm enough again to look up. 

“Yes?” A deep voice sounded from behind the mask, and again Rin had the feeling that whoever was behind it wanted to sound threatening. Well, Rin couldn’t care less. All she had in mind was that she didn’t want to think anymore, that she didn’t want to remember Obito’s smiling face while he was dying. 

“Monkey-business,” the code-word slipped from her lips with an even voice. 

“How much?”

“For twenty.”

The masked figure nodded, vanishing back into the warehouse. Rin leant against the wall; her face still hidden by her hood. She couldn’t risk getting caught while buying drugs – not as a shinobi of the leaf. Everyone knew that shinobi tended to do drugs – it wasn’t easy to comprehend all the blood on one’s hands after all, but it wasn’t legal. 

She knew that she had to search for someone who would help her with the next drug test, but that was a problem for future-Rin. Right now, all she cared about was forgetting. The door opened with a little squeak and a gloved hand showed up in her peripheral vision. 

She took out a bunch of coupons she had earned during nightshifts in the hospital and the masked figure counted them before throwing a paper bag at her. Without saying anything else, Rin turned around making her way back through filthy streets.

∞

Rin’s mind was fuzzy at the edges and full of too bright colors as she laid on her back on Raidou’s couch. After getting the drugs she had decided that she didn’t want to take them alone. It wasn’t because she didn’t trust the dealer, she bought from him for quite some time now after all, but because she didn’t want to sit in her lonely one-room appartement where everything reminded her of her dead best friend.

She went to Obito’s flat yesterday, getting some things she wanted to keep at her side, and now they were lying on her kitchen table, mocking her with their presence. She didn’t want to look at them. Not now. 

Another hit from the bong, smoke surrounding her as she blew him out. Her mouth still tasted like cheap vodka and she could feel herself forgetting. A fog was lying itself over her thoughts, slowly but constantly, and the corners of her mouth were twitching. 

Raidou had left her and Genma to their own devices sometime ago. He went on a mission, but Rin didn’t really mind it. Raidou was good in making her feel bad about her decisions, his constant questions about _how she was feeling_ grating on her nerves. She wanted to relax, to float above the shitty skyscrapers and to forget that Obito’s death was real. 

Genma was lying on a second couch, and Rin felt herself relaxing in the presence of the chunin she knew since childhood. He grew up in the same neighborhood, they had stolen bubble-gum and lipsticks and coupons and on her eleventh birthday Genma even stole her first kiss. 

Rin’s eyes were roaming over Genma’s brown matted hair, his crooked nose, his muscular bare arms and the senbon between his teeth. He had shed his sweater a few minutes ago, the buzz of the alcohol making him sweaty and Rin really appreciated the view. 

Genma wasn’t as ethereal beautiful as Kakashi – no one was, to be honest – and he wasn’t all buff muscles and boyish smiles like Obito, but he was attractive, nonetheless. She wouldn’t mind touching or the smooth slide of his tongue against hers. _It would help her to forget._

“Genma?”

Her voice sounded far away, as if it didn’t belong to her body anymore and Rin _loved this feeling_. She had longed for it all day, she had yearned for the feeling of floating in the universe instead of being grounded here, in a shithole of a world that took away her best friend. 

The Chunin hummed, his brown eyes with green flecks in them roaming over her small frame. Oh, how she wished those eyes were a deep grey darkened by lust and love. Fuck, _no_. It would never happen and when was her heart finally accepting that Kakashi wouldn’t ever be hers. 

_He was Obito’s._

“Let me feel something else than this blinding pain, please,” she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. 

She couldn’t help herself. Even with drugs in her system, the constant throbbing pain was sitting on her heart, filling her chest and soul and images of Obito were all she could think about. She missed him, his toothy grins and his flailing and his cherry-lollipop smelling breath. 

And when she wasn’t thinking about Obito, her head was filled with her other teammate, who was even _more_ broken now, who was only a shell of what he once was and who would love Obito until he took his last dying breath and Rin _suffered_ \- she suffered so much that she didn’t know if she would be able to feel anything else ever again. 

“You sure?” Genma asked, concern shining in his eyes and Rin knew that she made the right decision. Genma was a good choice for this, he wouldn’t hurt her, he would just help her to feel like someone else for a little bit. 

“Yes.”

Genma smiled, only the corners of his lips lifting, and he came over to her, sat down beside her and offered warmth where seconds ago only coldness resided. Rin let out an appreciative hum, both of them taking another shot of vodka and then their lips met in a sloppy kiss.

Genma’s mouth was hot on hers, his tongue slipping into her mouth like he hadn’t done anything else in his life and Rin straddled his muscled thighs. The next minutes were a blur of groping hands, moans spilling from spit slicked lips and sweet kisses trailing over collarbones. 

Rin’s head was slowly emptying from thoughts, and images and feelings and she pressed herself tighter against her friend, the pain of his fingers digging into her hips a welcome pleasure in contrast to the pain she felt inside. 

They lost their clothes, Rin’s hands exploring Genma’s scarred skin and she couldn’t help but to ask herself if it was okay to have a body littered with scars and bumps if you were just sixteen. How cruel is a world when teenagers didn’t find anything strange about it to be _this scarred_?

A playful bite into the sensitive skin on her neck brought her back into the presence, made her forget all the questions she only ever asked herself and with a sigh she let herself sink down onto Genma’s leaking cock. 

He filled her, stretched her – but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. 

Rin’s brown eyes roamed over his tanned shoulders, her fingers brushed through tangles of long brown hair and as she began rising up and down, a sob nearly broke out of her mouth as she thought of porcelain skin and silver hair. 

She found her own silhouette in the darkened window across from her and something like panic flitted through her veins as she saw herself. Dead looking eyes, red cheeks and swollen lips without the hint of a smile were staring back at her and _this person wasn’t her_. 

It was someone else she didn’t know, someone who had lost themselves between too much pain and emptiness. She buried her face into Genma’s neck, inhaling his familiar scent which wasn’t familiar enough and she just hoped that she won’t lose herself in the endless abyss of nothingness.


End file.
